You may remember Alex from Chapter 5 or her normal situation on the cover of Chapter 9.
I lost my big write-up twice to a website glitch, so I'll keep this short and demoralized. The Paranatural Activity Club pin set is available for a limited time only! Right now, we're at 134 sold of the 200 needed to put them into production, and even further from what's needed to do more merch like this in the future. At the moment, this is the best way to support me and Paranatural. PLEASE help me spread the word and make this campaign a success! You can pick up a pin set for yourself RIGHT HERE!
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[Transcript]
“Shovin’ someone in a locker without hurtin’ them is actually really hard to do,” said Johnny Jhonny, nodding intelligently. He’d adopted a teacherly tone, as befitted a consulting bully expert on the clock. “But luckily it’s easy if you do it so it hurts.”
“I really am sorry about this,” Max lamented, turning to face his latest victim. He’d been reluctantly collecting Starchman Stars from Lisa’s debtors with the aid of Johnny’s gang since he’d departed the School Store, and Johnny had been passing down his bullying techniques. “I did mean all the mushy stuff I said the other day. At the risk of sounding even more like a mobster, Alex, this IS strictly business.”
“i suppose there is a sort of comfort, in knowing you’re compartmentalizing more than just, um, me into the inside of a locker,” the soft-spoken and always mildly bewildered Alex mumbled. “and there is comfort in the cage itself. a cold womb’s comfort, or a coffin’s. rest. surrender to the dark.”
“...All right, I can’t do this,” sighed Max, shutting the locker he’d been about to push her into.
The busy halls of Bayview Biddle School were bustling with students flitting to and fro before class. Conveniently (some might even say unrealistically), the first bell hadn’t rung yet... but Max was fed up with his busywork already. Blackmail was an inefficient fuel source for an uninspired bully, and he’d been chugging through the last stretch of their banditry on fumes.
“Bro.” Johnny’s hand slapped down on Max’s shoulder. “You CAN do this. Remember when you helped me stuff that dweebo in the trash bin?”
Max glanced over at the dweebo he had helped stuff in a trash bin.
“Yes.”
“You’ve got everything it takes to be a bully, Max. I’ve seen it. You just gotta believe in yourself.”
“...i’m losing track of who’s the good cop here and why,” frowned Alex.
“Then you’re getting close to getting it...” smirked Stephen, tapping his head with one finger and then briefly getting mad at his own finger. “The TRUTH about the SYSTEM.”
RJ threw up devil horns in rebel solidarity; Stephen’s heart was in the right place, even if his brain was still on backorder.
“Heh.” Ollie smirked from his advisory position leaning up against the wall. “The good cop goin’ so far as to quit the force entirely... while the bad cop shows the good side that he only shows the good cop, addin’ nuance to the tension in the room AND in between ’em...” He shook his head and flashed a smile of approval. “This is textured stuff, boys. Much better than your last interrogation.”
Last time, Max had claimed that it was Johnny who had put him in a cast, and that their victim would be wise to pay their debt before Johnny broke their bones, too, and then they’d asked why Max was the one holding the baseball bat instead of Johnny, and Max had said he just liked baseball, and they had asked if he was on the team, and when he’d said no they were like okay well I like cookies but you don’t see me just carrying a bunch of eggs and flour everywhere, and then Max had helped Johnny stuff the dweebo in a trash bin.
“What we should really be interrogating is why we’re doing Lisa’s bidding in the first place,” droned an exasperated Max.
“Uh, ’cause she pays us? How else are we supposed to get Starchman Stars, genius?” Stephen scoffed, twirling Cash Reward above his head.
“Answer literally one question in English class.”
“It’s not that easy, bro,” said Johnny. “Not all boys are born bright, you feel me?”
“Ollie has the smooth sheen, shape, and brilliance of a lightbulb. Plus he’s glowing with potential, since he’s still a big pink baby,” grumbled Max. “Surely you can count on him to win your gang a couple constellations’ worth of Starchman Stars.”
“That’s kibble, little man. I wanna hunt. It’s what I’m built for.” Ollie thumped his barrel chest. “School’s a food chain, and we all got a place in the peckin’ order. Grazin’ geeks get their good grades and their gold stars, and we bullies snap ’em up and shake ’em down, steal their test answers and lunch money.” He shrugged. “That’s how it is and who we are. Can’t change that.”
“...There’s makers and takers,” Johnny said. “You’re askin’ a pack of alpha bears to eat friggin’ berries, bro.”
“bears famously do that? they’re omnivores? they don’t hunt in packs?”
“...Hold me back,” growled Johnny, stretching out his arms so his gang could restrain him before he was consumed by bully wrath.
“they probably should have,” Alex mumbled, but Max had already begun to make a bunch of random sounds to drown her out for her own safety.
“AHP-BAHP BAHP, hey, HEY, easy, everybody! Alex makes a good point. Made one. The last one. The bear thing.” Max sidled in between them, hoping to diffuse the rising tension. “Berries? Frickin’ honey, dude? That sweet, sweet Pooh Bear stuff? Probably way better than raw meat. Just because you’re good at being a bully, Johnny, it doesn’t mean you wouldn’t like NOT being one way more. You could be a maker or whatever. You could make things. Apes have been sharpening big sticks for thousands of years!”
“Preparing for war,” Stephen agreed. “And we just let them.” He punched a locker. It was only a matter of time before they buried the Statue of Liberty at the beach; he’d seen all the signs, which were conveniently all gathered in one movie. Stephen looked down at his wiener dog with envy. “Sometimes I wonder... if it’s the zoo that’s in the cage... or if it’s the animals who are truly free, and we’re just in a really big exhibit that surrounds them...”
“you could jump the fence and find out?” Alex offered. “you’d fit in?”
“...Okay you’re actually pretty good at being mean,” Johnny conceded. “Do you wanna be a bully, Lex? I’m already teachin’ Max.”
“All right, forget YOU guys,” Max grumbled. “Why am I doing Lisa’s bidding? That’s the better question. Who CARES if she tells everyone I did an awesome stunt??” Max could cross the bridge of deeper dad concern that he was falling down some dark abyss of dangerous delinquency when he came to it. Heck, maybe he’d do a COOL FLIP over it, just like he’d done that sick vault through that school bus. “How bad could, like, a few days in detention even BE?”
Everybody turned to stare at him in disbelief, as though he’d said something worthy of ending the page on an ominous cliffhanger.