Paranatural is BACK! I hope you’ve missed it :^) I’ve returned with a great way to support the story you’re enjoying: Paranatural ENAMEL PINS are now available for a limited time only! You can find them RIGHT HERE!! Please help me spread the word!
This is another Makeship preorder campaign, so the pins will go into production once we reach the campaign’s goal (and I’m confident we can)! I have a set in my hands already, and they look great! If you want Max, Isabel, and Isaac pins of your own, hop on and get your while you can! Rumors persist that these may be the first of an even larger set far down the line if these do well...
It’s somehow still always hard to believe that I have merch of my characters... Thank you everyone for helping me get here and to keep Paranatural going!
As ever, you can support Paranatural on Patreon for cool behind-the-scenes content (like the designs for our fun new Cousinhood friends) or chip in with a one time donation on Ko-fi if you enjoyed the update! Thank you so much, and thanks for reading! See you next time!
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[Transcript]
Shred dodged both of the oncoming projectiles with a sweeping dip that everybody knew was just that one thing from The Matrix. Her shades flashed in the sunlight as she rose back up to stare down her attackers.
A shadow overhead revolved in frontflips, announcing her intention in an oscillating shout:
“The punishment for quitting the Cousinhood...”
“...is DEATH!” a grizzled old man finished with a growl. He’d charged Shred to attack her with his crossbow at close range—only cowards kept their distance in a fight; a marksman, like ALL men, belonged in savage melee combat.
Two members of the Cousinhood’s Raptor Sect had burst out from the treeline simultaneously. Shred easily deflected their attacks as they struck home.
“I shoulda known that you’d turn TRAITOR, Knight Eagle... just like that daggum, no-good wildcat SHRIKE!” The scarred and gangling ranger, Baron Buzzard, trembled with anger and effort as Shred’s claws locked horns with his crossbow. “You and your DRONES and your SMARTPHONES and your NEW-FANGLED IDEOLOGY! I shoulda trusted my instincts about you—implicit bias workshop trainin’ be darned!!”
“I’m sorry, Lady Eagle!” squeaked Knight Owl, a masked and wide-eyed woman with pink hair and lengthy sleeves that trailed behind her acrobatics. “But the you that I admire would have told me not to hesitate! METEOR TALON!!” A rain of kicks collided with Shred’s guard. Knight Owl did several backflips and back handsprings as she landed on the beach.
“Hmph!” smirked Shred, elbowing Baron Buzzard in the face. She did a combat roll, retrieved her sword, then hacked the Baron’s crossbow with a few taps of a smartwatch, which caused it to explode.
“AUGH! HOW THE—?! FACEBOOK WAS RIGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING!”
Shred sunk into a dueling stance that favored looking awesome over martial practicality.
“So much for the Cousinhood’s CUTTING EDGE SEVERANCE PACKAGE!” Shred scoffed as the Baron charged her with a silver machete. “A blunt TOOL who’s too DULL to CUT HIS LOSSES could never hope to scratch ME! Step aside or face your overdue retirement, OLD MAN!”
Ángel watched with a patient smile from the sidelines as the Cousin fight continued. He himself was fighting just as hard: fighting to suppress a yawn, not wanting to offend the clashing trio. They were, if nothing else, quite earnestly invested in their weird club and its drama.
Before long, Shred had defeated both of her former comrades without breaking a sweat—at least no more of one than dueling in black leather on a hot beach guaranteed.
“Dang NABBIT! If I were just ten to forty years younger, and had a big gun or a hand grenade—!” Baron Buzzard punched the sand in impotent frustration.
“The... the punishment for failing to impose betrayal’s punishment... is ALSO DEATH!” Knight Owl stretched her mask higher to conceal her noble tears. “I would be honored if you TOOK MY LIFE, milady! No—dishonored if you didn’t! To think I was too weak to stand against you... OR beside you! Boo-hoo HOO...” She let her last sob rise to birdcall heights, the better to remain on raptor theme in her last moments.
“...No,” Shred said, sheathing her silver sword. “You two did what you thought was NECESSARY... just as I did.” She pushed her glasses up and took a bold step towards the barrier. “To move its mission FORWARD... I would even leave the Cousinhood behind.”
“Knight Eagle...!” Baron Buzzard said, his cranky crust becoming soggy like an old roll dipped in soup.
“Lady Eagle—!!” Knight Owl sniffed. She wiped her tears on her huge sleeve.
“Ow,” said Shred. She’d bounced off Bayview’s bubble yet again. “Dude, what gives?”
Shred snapped her claw-tipped fingers at a strange bush on the beach.
“WHISTLING DUCK! Analysis!”
A scruffy man with swirly glasses popped up from beneath his useless gilly suit.
“Oh, geez!” warbled Duck, Shred’s devoted Raptor Sect Squire, as he furiously typed upon his very sandy laptop. “I-I dunno, ma’am! I’m running the model again and again, but by the parameters provided, logically speaking, there’s no reason that you shouldn’t have been able to pass through!”
“...Perhaps,” Ángel offered with a smile, “you are still a loyal member of the Cousinhood at heart.”
Knight Owl and Baron Buzzard broke down sobbing at the same time.
“KNIGHT EAGLE!!”
“LADY EAGLE!!”
“Hmph!” Shred grunted, crossing her arms. “It would seem there are some things that even I can’t change... no matter how willing I am to BUCK TRADITION...”
“BLANG DURMITT,” Buzzard burbled. “YOU’RE THE FUTURE OF THE COUSINHOOD, KNIGHT EAGLE, AN APEX IN THE MAKING...” The elderly hunter let a fistful of sand slip slowly from his grasp. “I was just AFRAID to pass the TORCH and face the SHADOW of IRRELEVANCE... but you don’t need my lousy torch or my permission! You blazed a trail into the dark with that dang flashlight on your phone! What’ll you kids think of NEXT?!” The Baron choked back yet another wave of tears. “I think it’s time I started askin’ that question PROUDLY...”
“M-Master Buzzard!” Knight Owl blubbered, turning to bow before her mentor. “I... I have a confession! I swore I’d follow the Cousinhood’s dress code under penalty of DEATH, but... but I lied when I said my hair turned PINK because I unlocked a new SUPER FORM through rigorous training! I just dyed it!” Her waterfall of tears outmatched the ocean’s saturation of the sand. “The younger Cousins all think Lady Eagle is the coolest! We wanna be like her! Why can’t we be zealous templars of an ancient martial order AND embrace a punk rock modern underdog aesthetic, y’know?!”
Baron Buzzard met his student’s eyes with pride.
“...Heh. You might not believe it, but... I was superficially rebellious in my twenties, too, before I owned much property. Plus I’ve—heh—had one of these confounding things for months.” The Baron pulled a sticky smartphone from a secret holster in his trenchcoat. Its screen was filled by just four icons, magnified as they were to ridiculous proportions (“Real Man Radio”, “MatchHarmony - Last Embers”, “5G Blocker Premium”, and an image of a labrador retriever simply labeled “ERROR VIRUS”).
“I knew,” said Knight Owl with a smile, “because you said that Facebook thing.”
“You’ve had a wi-fi hotspot going for like three weeks straight, sir,” added Duck.
“Master, if you’d allow me to assist you in acquiring more apps, I post fancams of milady on—”
“Well,” Ángel interrupted. “I should probably be going.”
“Hmph!” Shred shrugged at her opponent from her side of Bayview’s bubble. “For now, perhaps... but you’ll be BACK.”
“...Is that so?” Ángel was already departing; he’d had enough of the Cousinhood’s antics, and he was eager to return to his antique shop with the prize he had secured. He preferred to pack light on his excursions to the island of Nevermoor, but the added weight of Eightfold’s soggy book had only buoyed him.
“Sector X is a festering pimple of MONSTERS, Ángel Guerra. One your squeamish sensibilities won’t let you POP. You can’t even bring yourself to look the UGLY TRUTH of this town in the FACE.” Shred raised a single silver claw. “Once you’ve witnessed the CONTAGION in the FLESH... you’ll come begging for an EXPERT HAND to help you LANCE THE BOIL.”
“At the cost of extending your unpleasant metaphor, Miss Shred... I love Bayview and its ‘monsters’ warts and all.” Ángel bowed. “Enjoy the beach.”
Knight Owl fumed as Ángel disappeared into the treeline.
“So ungrateful to be threatened by milady! Who does that man think he is?!”
“To hold his own against Knight Eagle in close combat...” Baron Buzzard growled, his grim expression growing darker, “I’d say that man’s a MASTER to be FEARED...”
“...Or a MONSTER to be SLAIN, should he succumb to the corruption of the phantoms he consorts with.” Shred whirled to face her three companions, the flawless form of her 180° briefly echoing her lost past as a skateboarder. She would show no quarter to the fiends that had befouled the hopeful innocence of public access children’s television gameshows... nor any other helpless paradise their hunger would defile. “Back to work, all of you! We’ll find our OWN way into Sector X before he’s forced to change his mind.”
Back in Nevermoor’s lush woods, Ángel smiled as the warm presence of Cherub claimed a soothing perch upon his wounded shoulder.
“Not our worst fight, hm?” Ángel chuckled. “No one was gravely injured, and we’ve left with all we sought. As for Eightfold, we will have to—”
“O servant Mine. You must return and let the Cousinhood’s crusaders cross the barrier.”
Ángel blinked at his companion.
“...Your kindness does you credit, my old friend, but wisdom must prevail for now,” he said, allowing the gentlest edge of reproach to slip its way into his voice.
Tch! Cherub rattled off a few words unbecoming of an angel in her head. That corny edgelord MICROCELEBRITY must’ve undermined my POWER with her PIMPLE SPEECH! Why the heck was THAT enough to nullify it?! Ángel, you witless SPONGE!
“I take it, then, Cherub, that you saw the beast they couldn’t.”
“...Hm? Oh, er. Arf! Indeed! Since Mine eyes shine bright within thine... eyes, I—” GOD was it annoying keeping up the thee and thou shtick! “I saw it. Yes. Woof. Yep. And what a beast.”
“A grudge within the darkness of the forest on the islet, just behind them...” Ángel grimly concurred. “I’ve seldom sensed such gruesome malice in the aura of a spirit...”
“You understand, then, servant Mine, why mercy might demand We grant them shelter. Mundane though they may be, a mortal flock may still fall prey to a spirit with the power of a poltergeist...”
“I admire your heart, my friend, as ever... but we can’t ignore the price of peace forever.” Ángel met Cherub’s eyes with fierce resolve. Oh, he was so foolishly, devotedly deluded—Cherub could have swooned and sighed. “The Cousinhood’s hunter was wrong about me. I am the one who is willing to do what it will truly take—whatever it will take—to protect this place I love. They are not the cure. They are the threat. I won’t let them inside... no matter what.”
God, if Ángel could just HEAR himself! Whatever it will take, no matter what—while saying he was right to let four people get DEVOURED by a GRUDGE! I mean, it wasn’t like SHE cared about those weirdos past their use to her... but WOW! Cherub could have started DROOLING. What a perfect, hapless horror she had made of him already! OHHH, she wanted to make him do so much WORSE! How could she stay mad at Ángel? What a wonder! What a treasure! What a sucker!
“The greater good is not without its grievous flaws... but I will serve it gladly, my old friend, if it will help to bring the greatest good I’ve met into the world as its protector. You, Cherub, with all the power that you need... to make your wishful thinking summon forth a wish come true.” Ángel tapped the satchel that held Isabel’s lost book. “Until you are a Great Wight, though, we’ll have to earn our little miracles with blood and sweat—with sacrifice.” Ángel stroked Cherub’s chin with warm affection. “I hope you can forgive me, friend, for sullying these hands on your behalf.”
“Endlessly,” purred Cherub. Her bell chimed on Ángel’s wrist as they set off down the shadowed path ahead.