That's right! The Forge Plush campaign has been extended! That means you have 4 more days to grab one RIGHT HERE! Thank you everyone so, so much for supporting this merch project. It makes a huge, HUGE difference in my life and the life of my loved ones to have things like this do well. Thank you!
As a note, Paranatural will be on break next week! I've been going full throttle and my body needs a break... plus I've got some backend stuff to catch up on! Thank you for waiting! See you the week after!
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[Transcript]
“...Let me get this straight,” hissed an incredulous Doctor Zarei. “Under cover of the Cousinhood’s threat, you sent yet another spy to bother me about my work. Having given up days later when she found you nothing useful, you have chosen a new target: yet another wayward agent you have painted as a villain. Now you’re seeking my assistance to eliminate him?” Spectral energy flared from Mina’s shoulders. “Why protest the Cousinhood’s means when the end you’re after is identical?! I didn’t sign up to serve the Consortium as a monster hunter!”
Boss Leader tilted her head to one side.
“That’s not what I am asking of you, Mina... but I would note that, when it comes to playing devil’s advocate for Davy Jones, it’s better the devil you don’t know for the case that you’ve constructed. Your pursuit of power is hardly comparable to that man’s rank ambition—though I could do you the disservice if I tried.” The Consortium’s enigmatic boss and leader started slowly spinning in the air like an astronaut in freefall. “Where was I? Ah, yes! You won’t need to get your hands dirty, Mina. Don’t worry. I’ve already assembled the attack team that I trust to take down Davy.”
Agent Walker’s eyes flicked up on cue. Mina shook her head and glowered back at him.
The hulking spectral didn’t flinch, however. Texas Walker radiated grim resolve. He had become a very different man since his first deployment to Bayview. Back when he and Mina had first met, Walker had been a hapless pencil-pusher, Agent Summers’ bumbling backup. Now he was Boss Leader’s strongest deputy.
“Ever the loyal bloodhound,” scoffed Zarei.
“...If you could smell the scent he’s stained with, Doc, you’d be tuggin’ on your leash, too.”
“I’m not wearing one,” hissed Mina, shooting sidelong daggers at Agent Day to silence her retort before it started; she was embarrassed to discover that Val was appropriately solemn for the circumstances, then doubly flustered when she realized that her colleague was impervious to mean looks in the first place.
“Boss... I’d still like to—” Agent Day trailed off, fidgeting with the petal of a flower on her cane. “If you can spare me, my original mission—”
“Don’t worry, Val,” chimed a new voice from behind her. “Agent Walker will have all the help he needs.”
Assembled at the poolside was a squadron of six suitsie-clad Consortium spectrals. Agent Pasha Popova gave Agent Day a proud look up and down.
“With any luck, I’ll get to help you, too, Val!” Agent Popova added with a smile. Her torso opened up along a gachapon equator to reveal a smaller Pasha underneath. “I have lots of hands to spare... although they do diminish somewhat as demand increases, sadly.”
“That’s, like, simple economics, Pasha!” a chipper, freckled agent chirped beside her. “Too much of a good thing makes a bad thing!” Agent Cloverleaf extended an arm in a body-horror zigzag to graph her half-remembered point. “Like that time I bought those cookies from those girl scouts to resell them. Terrible investment! I got so tired of mint chocolate!”
“Miss Pasha! Addy!” Agent Day exclaimed.
“Aren’t you forgetting someone?” smirked Agent King, using his shiny, crown-tipped ruler to fluff his immaculate hair.
“I literally didn’t know that you were there!” Agent Day cheerfully replied.
“Oh, haha. Right,” chuckled a clueless Agent King. “Pop’s here, too, then, just so ya know. Doubt the little guy’d speak up to tell ya!”
Junior Agent Proxy Popcorn breathed creepily through his open mouth, adjusting a few zippers on his copywritten cosplay.
“...Buncha freakin’ jokers, this whole deck of duds,” griped Agent Stix. Her mousy film-reel hair buns rolled in concert with her eyes. “What’s da friggin’ point of havin’ an ace up ya sleeve”—she thumped her chest—“when all the other cards ya got are five fools of a kind?!”
“That’s... an impossible hand,” came Agent Stucks’ meek protestation. “There’s only two jokers in—and they remove them when you play poker, so—plus there’s not five of any card in... nevermind.” He pressed his scaly lizard thumbs together. “I bet if you COULD make a hand like that, though... you’d definitely win, so... so we just gotta stick together. That’s what I think.”
“Who’s betting on what? Poker? Can I play?” Despite extending her neck at exclusively right angles, Agent Cloverleaf had arrived at the wrong one by the time she’d finally reached the conversation. “Can you front me some cash? I’ll pay you back when I win! That’s an easy profit for you, Greco!”
“Stick together, he says! With these jabronies? With YOU?” Agent Stix scoffed. “Last time we stuck together on a mission, Stucks, we lost the dang three-legged race to catch dat freakin’ grudge!” Agent Stix tried to elbow her partner, only to find herself glued to Greco by his power once again. “EEP! LEGGO ME, YOU DANG MOUSETRAP!”
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I can’t control it, Cinny, you know that...!”
“Well!” An unimpressed Zarei pushed up her glasses. “You’ve assembled the entire peanut gallery. Let’s hope that Davy Jones has deathly allergies.”
“Of course he does,” Boss Leader said. “To garlic. This is why your input won’t be necessary, Mina. I have all the expertise I need right here.”
“I love garlic,” said Agent King.
Boss Leader jabbed a thumb at him.
“You see?”
“...I’ll whip these rustlers into shape, Doc. Just you watch.” Agent Walker rose up to his full height. “They’ll earn their codename by the time that varmint Jones learns he should fear it: I’m callin’ this here squad... the Magnificent Seven.”
“What about the Lucky Seven?” Addy interrupted. “Then we’d still win big even when there’s only three of us! Ka-ching!”
“Hedging your bets for your likely survival rate?” Mina chuckled morbidly.
“My codename’s fine, y’all, it’s—it’s a movie reference—”
“I love movies,” Agent King said, giving Walker a thumbs up.
“Let’s go with the Deadly Seven!” Boss Leader decided arbitrarily. “It’s miles more intimidating, and I’d say it’s a safe bet that you each embody a different deadly sin, right? I don’t know. Work out who’s which amongst yourselves!” She clapped her hands together. “Now all you need is... ah, yes! Entry to our charming little battleground. Mina—that is all I want from you.” Boss Leader wagged a mummified finger in Zarei’s direction. “Walker and his team will be arriving outside Bayview’s bubble in the next few days. Have that lantern at the ready. That’s an order! <3”
Mina suppressed a wince. The lantern with the Ghost Ship trapped inside it... they didn’t know she’d lost it. No matter. She’d cross that chasm when she came to it. All that mattered right now was her mission to defeat a wicked villain of her own: the Witch that she’d discovered still at work in Bayview Biddle School, the phantom from her past that had slain Hijack...!
“The next few days?” dodged Mina. “That’s a much faster odyssey than the last thousand ships your lacking face has launched, Boss Leader. You must truly loathe this Davy Jones.”
Boss Leader shrugged.
“Bayview’s on the map now, Mina, for better or for worse. I’m simply acting as fast as conditions allow... and as fast as the danger demands.”
Doctor Zarei laughed disdainfully.
“Ha! Is that why you tried muscling the Ghost Ship from me with your local goon Master Guerra first?”
Boss Leader stared at her in silence for a few inscrutable seconds.
“...I trust you with that lantern, Mina. No one else.” Her intensity made Mina falter slightly. There was a plea behind it, or a warning, or a threat. “These seven, too, and Valerie, are agents that I trust.”
Agent Savage got the message, even if the Doctor didn’t. The Boss had also left Griggs off her good boy list, but he was a company man through and through. She was leaving room for doubt, hoping Sid would slip up, try to flip him, and give Griggs the dirt the Boss would need to move against her. That was a desperate, highly cautious move. She was outnumbered, then, by breakaway traitors like Crush and his crew... that was why she couldn’t risk accusing Agent Savage in the open. The Boss couldn’t afford to isolate any more allies by condemning her betrayal without proof.
Fine, thought Agent Savage. So be it. If she was on the outs with a crumbling Consortium, she knew her next move. Easy money. She had to grab that lantern from Zarei before the Doc could let in reinforcements...!
“What about Richard?” asked Zarei, narrowing her eyes.
“Oh, he’s trustworthy, of course,” replied Boss Leader, “but he’s too obvious a weakness for a vampire. Davy Jones will have contingencies prepared. Cruel contingencies. I’d rather Rick stay far away. He’ll be safer at that school of his... and so will his students, with his protection—”
Hearing this, Zarei threw back her head and laughed. Then she swept her lab coat behind her as she spun on her heel and started to march from the room. Agent Day blinked in confusion as the Doctor’s footsteps echoed past her.
“D-Doctor Zarei? Where are you going...?”
“I’m getting up early,” Mina called back. She glanced over her shoulder at Boss Leader, Agent Walker, and the other gathered spectrals. “As much as I’d love to stay and chat... I have a job interview today.”
Boss Leader hovered in bewildered silence while she watched Zarei depart. She scratched her bandaged chin.
“Hmm. Well. That’s not the BEST sign for her future with this company...”